Fourteen days. I had heard many different opinions on how alcohol withdrawal would go. And I had my expectations of how it would go for me. For some time, I put off quitting because I feared the withdrawal symptoms- and used that as an excuse. So I thought that I would share my experiences here, for those wondering.
Detoxing from any drug that your body has become dependent on will obviously cause some effects. And just as obviously, HOW dependent you have become on that drug will effect the severity of your symptoms. I myself, had become almost completely dependent on it. I could not get through the day without it. Truthfully, it had gotten to the point where I needed a drink every morning just to function.
THE GOOD
I truly believe that I was SO ELATED that I was finally escaping the alcohol trap that for the first entire week, I felt very little adverse effects of quitting. Or, at least, they didn't bother me as much as I had expected them to.
I felt completely free from the desire to reach for a drink during those first 72 hours. I had read many times that this is the amount of time it generally takes to rid your system of alcohol.
Many people complain about anxiety during the initial withdrawal period. I have to say that mine dramatically improved. But I truly believe that alcohol intensified my anxiety/ depression exponentially. Feeling out of control of my life and my actions caused me to feel overwhelmed and anxious, which had me reaching for the bottle even more often to cope with those feelings.
My skin immediately improved. I had been dealing with an almost constant rash across my forehead and chest, that I was pretty convinced was alcohol-related. But, did that stop my drinking previously? Of course not.
I felt less bloated. My head was clear, with the occasional brain fog- but compared to the constant fog/ memory lapses I was used to - I still felt really great.
I would say the BEST side effect to quitting was that I felt PRESENT with my boys. Most nights previously, I was numb. Trying to escape. Sometimes I would pass out while tucking one, or two of my boys into bed. Now, I am actually enjoying reading, playing games with and really conversing with these amazing little humans.
THE BAD
Of course, I experienced the usual headaches (in fact, migraine-type pain) for about 11 days after quitting. This was not that different from my life during alcohol-abuse, though. The only difference is that before quitting, I would always "medicate" with more alcohol to dull the pain. Interestingly, day 11 was the worst. I was in bed most of the afternoon, popping Tylenol. Thankfully, my headaches seem to have subsided since then.
My hands trembled for a few days after quitting. The good news is, my clients understood and were extremely encouraging. Hair services took a bit longer to do, but I definitely found it manageable.
Sleep was illusive for those first few nights. But, truth be told, I haven't slept well in over a decade. I remember a naturopath explaining to me years ago that waking at 3am every morning (my nightly sleep pattern) was connected to liver problems. I knew that made sense, but it still wasn't enough to make me want to quit.
Sweating. OH. MY. GOSH. The sweating. If I DID get some sleep, I woke up in a pool of sweat. All throughout the day I was sweating from normal exertion. I knew that this was my body's way of detoxing from the poison that I had poured down my throat for so long, but it was definitely uncomfortable.
I also dealt with my heart racing for about a week. I didn't notice it as much when I was awake, but that was one of the things that contributed to my insomnia. As I lay in the dark, exhausted, my heart raced so fast that I wondered if it would every slow down. It has.
And weirdly, yesterday (Day 13) was one of excruciating back pain and lower right abdominal pain. Kidneys detoxing, perhaps? Unsure, but today I woke up feeling great.
THE UGLY
The "UGLY" has been the cravings. It hasn't been that I want alcohol, per se, but quitting the habit of pouring a drink in order to 'cope' has been has been difficult. Even though I know now that the ability to cope was the last thing pouring a drink would help me with, it was my go-to for SO long. I have quieted those cravings with Lyre's Non-alcoholic Spirits, and Acid-League Proxies. The sipping of something with a bit of a 'burn' has helped me significantly.
The "UGLY" has also been the conversations that I now have with myself.
The doubts that I can actually do this. The thoughts that I am probably not really this strong. Imposter syndrome, coming out with a vengeance.
Or, similar to the reprimanding that I did with myself after my last husband ruined me financially... "How could I have been so STUPID?" How did I allow myself to get so far gone? Thank God nothing worse had ever happened to myself or to my precious boys while I destroyed myself- because I had become a terrible mother.
Or, how could I have wasted so much MONEY on this poison? As someone that considers myself very frugal with money- this hits home, and I continue to assault myself with these thoughts.
Although the physical symptoms have dwindled or disappeared, these conversations with myself remain. This will take time through forgiving myself, personal development and reflection.
Fourteen days has felt like a lifetime. Today I am grateful for audio books, good friends and my boys that make me want to get well.
Today I will try to have positive conversations with myself.
Today I will be brave and face the day with a clear head and embrace life without the need to numb the uncomfortable.
Today I will strive to live a life that I will not feel the need to escape from.
Blessings, friends.
