On Friday I put my One-Carat, stunning engagement ring and wedding band up for sale.
I asked the price that a local jeweler said was a fair price for the set. Unfortunately, they were overstocked on wedding band sets because of Covid and couldn't buy it themselves.
I included the engagement ring's papers in my ad which stated the price of the engagement ring ($10,000 and appraised at $11,500).
Interestingly, MANY men had a problem with me selling this set. One man wrote "A guy gave you a $10,000 engagement ring and now you're selling it??? Poor he".
Yes, "poor he" that INSISTED that I have a 1 Carat Princess-Cut Engagement ring with perfect clarity, cut and colour. Let me state that I, in NO way, asked for such a ring.
When we began talking about marriage, I sent him SEVERAL links to wedding bands sets being sold on kijiji or marketplace that I would have been MORE than happy with.
But what I have learned is that the size, sparkle and clarity of the engagement ring really have very little to do with the woman wearing the ring, and MUCH more to do with the man's ego GIVING the ring.
My ex would constantly rave about the ring on my finger, comparing it to the rings on his sister's or friend's wives hands. It really was all about him, the man, that gave it to me.
But guess what? That ring, like so many other things he "bought" (more like, put on credit), ended up costing me, not him.
The truth is, when we married, I owned my home, carried zero credit and had money in the bank, as well as investments. Two years later, we were DROWNING in debt and had to take $150,000 out of MY house to pay down all of that debt.
When you are with a Narcissist, they will make everyone, even you, believe that they are successful. I tried to cut back on costs, asking him to sell the trailer up north that we couldn't afford. Instead, he stole hydro from another trailer, since ours got cut off. He refused to sell his boat or let me see the books for his plumbing business (now bankrupt).
But this post is actually about what I've noticed about SOME men. SOME MEN will ALWAYS back up the man, even if they don't know him. The "old boys club" mentality is still rampant. Why? Why is it so unbelievable that I, a woman, could have been financially ruined by A MAN??
A quick Google search points out that "Men Feel Intimidated by Female Bosses" and that a "Modern Dating Coach Explains Why High Achieving Women Struggle to Find Love". Friends, there are actual books that teach women "How to be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings". Tips include adding emojis to emails and typing with one hand.
My ex has railed against me for inviting "His friends" over for lunch (I invited a family over after church one Sunday because my son was friends with their son, but apparently they must have told him because that isn't allowed).
At my church, which I brought my boys to for him, there is still so much loyalty to him (even though he left the church before Christmas), that I feel it'll sadly never feel like "our church". I should add that there are a lot of new and genuine friends, which makes it extra difficult.
I don't understand how this disdain for woman that aim to be successful, to provide for their families, is still so prevalent.
I'm just going to put this here:
- I was hard-working and successful before my second marriage.
- I was taken advantage of and lost MUCH of what I had worked EIGHT YEARS to build.
- I will work hard and be just as, or more, successful than I was before marrying him.
- I want to help other women become financially independent whether they are with a man, or not.
And ANY MAN that has an issue with that, or thinks that I shouldn't say out loud that I want success in life can just continue to live in their little bubble. It doesn't affect me in the slightest.
They aren't the ones paying my salary.
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