Three Weeks To Go And Feeling....

(Capturing Imagination Photography)

I guess I didn't realize when I posted about considering adoption, that people would be wondering what my decision would turn out to be.

Well, I will be keeping this baby. He is due in 3 weeks.

I am frequently asked how I am feeling.

I am not exactly sure how to answer this question.

I guess I am feeling terrified. 

I do, of course, realize that most parents-to-be feel some version of fear- even if we don't let on. Fear for the future of the child. Fear about wondering how we will ever support and raise this helpless baby to be a functioning (and hopefully contributing) member of society. Fear for the health of the baby. 

( Capturing Imagination Photography)

I absolutely have all of those fears.

But I have others that haunt me.

If I am truly honest with myself- I fear that I simply won't be enough. That I won't have enough energy in me for all 3 boys. That there just will not be enough time in the day to adequately love all 3 boys. That one, or two, or ALL of them will almost definitely miss out. 

I fear that the added pressure of buying a home and a larger vehicle in the past few months will cause me to be short with them. To focus more on money and less on just being in the 'NOW' with them. And that would be counter-productive of the life that I have tried so hard to set up for us until now. Of that, I am terrified.

I fear that I will make mistakes. Even though I KNOW that I will indeed make many, many, many in my lifetime- making mistakes in regards to my children causes a particularly horrible feeling of dread.

But I have an even worse fear.

I hate to admit this, but I am feeling absolutely, positively, BEYOND intimidated to meet this new baby.

(Capturing Imagination Photography) 

I worry that I won't feel a bond with him when he is born. What kind of mother feels this way? When I mention this to anyone- I am reassured that I will, in fact, bond with this baby. Probably immediately. But it is a fear that lingers. It is a fear that I can't seem to shake.

And I suppose all I am able to do about this fear is meet it straight on. To refuse to live in fear and vow to love this baby boy with all that I have in me to give. To be the best mother that I can possibly be to all 3 of my sons.

And to be honest with myself and with others when I need help with this. To lean on the support that I have in place. To be strong. To be wise. And to be gracious with myself when I falter.

So, in the next couple of weeks until this baby comes, I will strive to live in the opposite of fear. To be confident. To have faith. To try to be calm, brave, and assured. Assured that although some things I cannot control- he may have health problems, he may not grow up to be all that I dream for him- I can decide to love and accept him. And to give him a loving home with 2 brothers that will most certainly adore him.

(Capturing Imagination Photography) 

Peace and Blessings.

And updates to come...

In My Maternity Closet- A "Bar-Star" Dress Becomes An Awesome Maternity Shirt

I love getting things for free. 

Which means that some of my favourite words are when friends say to me, "I have some old clothes for you to go through."

It's pretty much better than Christmas for me.

I love recycling the items that I choose from a bag of cast-offs. I love breathing 'new life' into an item that someone has tired of. And I love finding a new use for an item, as well. 

This time, a "Bar-Star" dress becomes a Maternity Shirt.

In case you are unsure of what I mean by a "Bar-Star" dress, I mean the tight, slinky dresses that girls wear to go dancing in. They are quite stretchy- so you can dance comfortably in them- and this is perfect for a growing belly! And they are usually quite short- which means once the belly grows, they are a perfect shirt length.

Here's how I wear my dress-turned-maternity-shirt:

Oooooops, forgot to put on make-up. Pregnancy brain.... :s


Dress/ Shirt- Castoff from friend- Free
Pants- $5.99 Salvation Army Thrift Shop (Non-Maternity)
Boots- $19.99 Value Village (also seen here)
Necklace- Just One- World Changing Fashion 

Here I added a pop of colour with a teal cardigan.

Cardigan- $6.99 Value Village

Necklace- $8.99 Value Village

Thanks for reading, friends!

Hope this inspires you Mama's-to-be to browse the dress racks at your local thrift shop for some dress-turned-shirt options. :)

Blessings.

Spring 2014 Hair Trends

As a hairstylist, I like to keep up with the trends of the season. And for some reason, I find spring and summer trends the most exciting. ESPECIALLY when they involve beautiful flowers... like the first trend, from Bazaar:

Flowers In The Hair

(photos from Bazaar)

 It is probably my inner hippy or my gypsy background, but I absolutely LOVE it when hair is adorned with real flowers. It just has such a beautiful bohemian feel to it.

Old World Braids

(photos from Bazaar)

I have to admit, I am SO happy that braids are still on-trend this season. I also have to admit that I became addicted to the series "Vikings" simply because I was obsessed with the women's intricately braided locks. 

Gold Details

(photos from Bazaar)

Honestly not my favourite trend...but an easy way to dress up any plain hairstyle, for sure.

Untidy Updos

(photos from Bazaar)

This trend makes it super simple for you, the 'hair-untrained', to do an updo on yourself. Who cares if it is messy? You are actually MORE trendy that way! Just backcomb and pin! 

Choppy Pageboy Wings

(photos from Bazaar)



Again, not necessarily MY favourite, but if it appeals to you- then go ahead and try this style out! I would definitely recommend asking for a ton of texture though, so that you don't end up with a 'bowl' haircut. It would also be a good way to be on-trend and to grow out a shorter pixie cut.






And lastly, here are some fun Colour Trends for 2014. Photo from Sequins and Scissors.

I am seriously digging the Copper Penny and Brownie Sombre (a softer ombre) right now.

And hats off to anyone rocking the Silver Colour Trend right now. Love it.

Spring IS coming, friends. Maybe if we try a few of these hair trends, it will come even faster?? ;)

In My Maternity Closet- Do These Polka-Dots Make Me Look Fat? ;)

When I am pregnant (who am I kidding- even when I am NOT pregnant), I tend to gravitate to simple, solid items to wear. Why draw attention to the extra weight I'm carrying around with me?

BUT, every once in a while, I will break out of my rut and wear something with a pattern, or stripes, and this time....polka dots. 

The day went like this. As many of you know, I have been struggling to figure out the best course of action for myself, my boys and this little baby to come in a few weeks. I decided to go and speak with a service called Birthright International. It was a very relaxing experience. The woman I spoke with had a lot of resources she was able to point me to in order to help me feel more confident and capable welcoming this baby into our family. I do feel that I am now more aware of the resources out there that I can tap into, if need be.

The center runs on volunteers and donations. They had a second-hand Maternity Clothing section (and I am happy to now have a place where MY maternity clothes will go when I am done with them).

I feel pretty set for clothing, but I did pick up a hoodie, a pair of pants and this adorable polka-dot top. Well, my friend found the top and the hoodie for me. I was feeling a little overwhelmed by the entire experience.

I highly recommend anyone who is pregnant, thinks that they are pregnant, or knows someone that may be struggling with being pregnant- to go and speak with Birthright. Here is what they say about themselves on their website:

"Birthright is unique. We provide free, non-judgmental support and love to pregnant women and their unborn children. Birthright is not involved in any religious movements, political activities, or lobbying. Our focus is on loving the mother, and helping her help herself."

And that's what I felt. Love.

And here is how I wore my free, patterned, polka-dot shirt:

Polka-dot Top- Free

Black Cardi- $5.99 Talize

Jeans- Friend's Maternity Jeans (free)

Purse- $4.99 Salvation Army (also seen here)

Belt- $1 Bibles For Missions Thrift Shop

Boots- $19.99 Value Village

Again- I DO apologize for the smudges and fingerprints all over my mirror... but until now, I haven't been able to bring myself to clean them.

But, you know what? I'm feeling pretty good these days. I think tomorrow I will clean them off. I'm ready to let the sun shine a little brighter into my room and into my life. :)

Blessings.

In My Maternity Closet- Still Loving My Thrifted Maxi Skirts

In case any of you were wondering, friends- I am still madly in love with my maxi skirts. Even at over 30 weeks pregnant. Even in the winter. Always.

They are an easy way to be uber-comfortable and look great for a pretty low price (especially if they are thrifted).

And they are even better than maxi dresses while you are pregnant, because they ride up less in the front, and can slip comfortably under the ever-expanding belly.

The maxi skirt that I wore the other day:

*Again, if the fingerprints that are all over my mirror bother you- or if you are wondering why I don't just wipe them off- you can read my post all about them here.*

Maxi Skirt- $6.99 at Talize

Black Top- purchased 2 pregnancies ago

Necklace and Bracelet- Just One- World Changing Fashion

A bit of a quickie post, but thank you for stopping by.

Keep (or try) thrifting. 

Keep (or start) questioning where our clothing (and accessories) come from. It is important to love our planet and our brothers and sisters on the other side of the earth by doing so.

Love and blessings.

In My Closet- Dancing In My Thrifted Green Jeans At 31 Weeks Pregnant

The other night I was invited out for a friend's birthday.

This is a friend that I met at a dance class (belly dancing, to be exact) and many of our nights together have involved dancing up a storm or two.

When I let her hubby know I was on my way, he commented- "I hope you have your dancing shoes on."

"Ridiculous", I thought. I'm huge. I won't even be able to FIT on the dance floor. Haha.

So, off I went.

And I stood on the sidelines and watched them dance. And I wondered what was wrong with me.

So I danced. :)

Yes, I was awkward. Yes, I took up more room than usual. Yes, I wished the room could be darker...

But, all-in-all it was a good time. Of course I had to leave early because I was exhausted- but it was a good time all the same.

Here is the thrifted outfit that I wore out dancing at 31 weeks pregnant:

It really was too dark to get a good photo in front of my full-length  mirror in my room. :(

If you're wondering about all of the fingerprints on my mirror- I posted on those here.




Green Non-Maternity Jeans- Value Village $3 (posted on scoring those here)
Black Maternity Tank- Bought for first pregnancy 7 years ago.

 Clutch (on bed) & Bracelet- Talize $2.99  & Value Village $4.99

Black Boots- years old

I decided to take a couple photos in better lighting. Why is bathroom lighting always better?

I added a blazer(?)- type shirt on top of my tank. I add the question mark because I do not wear blazers. I find them too structured and uncomfortable and would MUCH rather grab a cardigan for warmth.

But I do like the look and feel of this...whatever it is....

Black Short-sleeved 'Blazer'- Cast off from friend, so FREE

Well, that's it for now. Thanks for stopping by.

Hope you will all try to do something out of your comfort zones some time, you just might have some fun. :)

Peace, friends.

Dirty Fingerprints Keeping Me Sane

I have a full length mirror in my bedroom. And it is covered with fingerprints.

You may be surprised to hear that they do not belong to my children.

And yet- I don't want to clean them away.

Yes, I have paper towels and rags. Yes, I have vinegar and water. I even have glass cleaner.

And yet- I don't want to clean them away.

Especially on my lowest days. Days when I feel like I can't possibly go on. Days when I don't know where I will find the strength to parent the two children that I already have- let alone the one to come in a couple of months.

Those are the days that I glance at my dirty, finger-printed mirror and feel peace.

Because this mirror acquired those finger prints when I recently moved into my new home. When my church and friends and family- and even strangers that I had never met- showed up at my apartment door and said 

"We will help".

"This is too much for you to do on your own."

"Let us lift and move and carry when you cannot."

This mirror acquired those fingerprints when a friend said "I will help organize your move, because everything is simply too overwhelming for you right now."

This mirror is covered with fingerprints. And I am thankful.

I am thankful for the friends that I have made over the years that came out to help my get my house ready to move into.

I am thankful for my closest friends that are better to me than I am sure I deserve. 

I am thankful for my church family that comes around me when I need it most. That I have a community that I know will pick me up when I fall. That I can trust would feed me if I were hungry. And that love me though I am far from perfect.

And, I am thankful because I know that when I am no longer feeling so low- that I will be able to be there for someone else. I will help pick them up when they stumble and fall. Because that is a community. That is a family.

And at that time, when the sun shines clearer in my life- I will wipe my mirror clean so that I can bask in it's warmth, light and beauty.

But for now, as the clouds loom over my head, those fingerprints will remain.

And that's okay. It's those dirty fingerprints that are keeping me sane.

Blessings.