At A Loss...

 

 

 

I've really been struggling with what to blog about in the last week.  It just seems so frivolous to talk about cute clothes and accessories with all that went on in Newtown last Friday. It has seemed to really affect everyone around me very deeply, myself included.

 

 

 

I'm unsure if this is because I have a son in kindergarten, and I try to imagine how I would feel if that horror had happened here, in his classroom. I can't.  I'm not sure if it is because it all just seems so senseless- I just don't know...

 

 

 

Then, this morning I wake up to a story about women in Pakistan (3 were girls, really- teenagers!) that were killed at close range for providing Polio vaccines to children. So, what do I do with this information.....Pakistan's largest import is cotton- do I picket cotton use to try to make a difference? (I realize that doing that would do absolutely NOTHING to hurt or help the situation, btw). But, I am someone with a deeply ingrained sense of justice (for better or for worse), and when things like this happen....I try to come up with a way to make a significant change....

 

 

 

If I didn't have my children, I might pack up and move to Pakistan or Afghanistan, try to make a difference in the world- but would I? Well... it's a moot point anyway....

 

 

 

Last night I slept snuggled up in my 5-year-old's tiny bed all night because I just couldn't let go. "What will this world look like for my kids?", I wondered. I feel almost guilty (and truly thankful) that I was born in North America and that my children are Canadian. "How did we all win the 'birth lottery'??", I ask myself.  I pray that this world will be a safer place then it is now- for my kids, and also for the children in other nations that aren't nearly as blessed as mine are.


But...life is messy. Life is hard. Life is not fair. This is something that I have had to come to grips with in my own life in the last year or so. This was a shocking discovery for me (!!)- as I said earlier- I ALWAYS try to find justice, for me or for someone else that I may see that is wronged. So... am I upset that the young man from Newtown took his own life instead of being held accountable? Of course, the part of me demanding that the scales of justice be balanced screams "YES!"  But, the part of me learning of the sorrow, sadness and poverty that the vast majority of people on this earth live through on a daily basis just needs to hold my kids tight and be thankful for all we have.


In the last week or so, I keep going back to the quote by Mr. Rogers, the beloved tv icon, who once said: 




 “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”

 

 

I pray that my children will see a 'helper' in me. 




Love and Peace, my friends. And Hope. Always Hope.