100 Days Sober

*Trigger Warning. Sexual Assault Content *

Today I'm 100 days sober.

Getting sober has definitely caused me to dig deep, within myself, and analyze WHY I felt the need to numb the life all around me.

It's given me a new-found sense of self. It's helped me put up new boundaries in my life. It's taught me to have grace and to forgive myself for things I've done, whether intoxicated at the time, or not.

But it's also brought up feelings of shame and guilt that I held deep down inside for a very long time. Most of that shame was around various incidences of sexual assault.

Many as a teenager, and at the time, looked at as "not a big deal". But they WERE a big deal.

Some as an adult. As a single woman that drank, I was in situations that I should not have been in, or most likely would never have been in - if I had been sober.

I want to preface this by stating clearly - if a woman is drinking, that does NOT MEAN that sexual assault did not happen, or that it should be excused. Period.

Statistically, 25% of women (I truly believe that number is much higher since most go unreported), and half of those involve alcohol. Why do most go unreported? Because, as women, we've learned early on that if alcohol was involved - we're to blame. NOT the one that committed the assault. In my own life, I've told loved ones of incidents and the first question asked of me was, "Well, was he DRINKING?".

Let me be clear.

Drinking is NOT a crime. Sexual assault is.

Drinking does NOT CAUSE sexual assault. Those that commit the assault do.

Drinking is NOT an excuse. In many cases, it is a deliberate tool used by offenders.

I sat in a hospital for hours one day. Unable to remember anything from the night before other than having two glasses of wine (which, let's be honest - was basically my breakfast every day, at that point), blacking out completely and waking up in vomit. Although I had done everything to be safe - told friends /family his name, address, where he worked... I was still drugged and have no recollection of the night.

Even with all of that knowledge, nothing ever came back conclusive enough for charges.

And THAT is why so many incidents go unreported.

I do believe that is part of why I just tell myself to be "strong", and "move on", completely ignoring the feelings of violation and shame. And I'm sure that many other women simply do the same.

After 100 days of being sober, I can finally say "me too". And it's not ok. AND I can have the grace to erase any feelings of shame around those incidences.

And I can vow to raise boys that know that no means no, informed consent is of upmost importance, and if she's unconscious - well, only predators see that as an advantage.

Support for Truckers in a World Gone Sideways (The Only Direction Deemed Safe by our Government)

 

Yesterday the trucker convoy began in Canada,

Early Sunday morning in Newfoundland.

In case you are living under a rock, here in Canada, the truckers that have been delivering our goods to us through the entire pandemic (the last TWO YEARS) have been told that they can no longer cross the border into the States.

And the truckers from the States, that bring us our food, fuel, etc. have been told they can no longer come into Canada.

After TWO YEARS, the government has now decided that it is unsafe. For individuals that generally spend up to nine hours a day alone. Safe to go East to West, but not North to South. 

Sideways= safe. Up and Down= unsafe.

This is not being covered by the media. Weighing stations have been told to stop the trucks and to slow them down on their cross-country trip to Ottawa on Saturday.

I am so grateful to see all of the support for these heroes (which is how I see them), as they refuse to give in to medical coercion. I am given hope as I watch them band together, in a peaceful, meaningful protest.

I am happy to see the support, but at the same time, I am saddened that it took this long.

This latest wave of Covid has killed the highest number yet in the over 70-year-old age range. This age group is over 80% fully vaxxed and boosted. It isn't working. Lockdowns aren't working. Mandates aren't working.

Why the sudden support all over Facebook and social media for the truckers? I believe because NOW it affects everyone. The people that have been too afraid to get together with their closest loved ones now fear the empty shelves in the grocery stores.

What about all of the Small Business Owners over the last two years that opened their kitchen cupboards to empty shelves because of the mandated lockdowns? Why didn't people care then?

I'm sad to say that it seems that Covid has truly brought out the worst in people. Friendships have ended. Families have been torn apart. Business owners have gone bankrupt and, for WHAT?? 

Because people were promised travel, dining in restaurants, movies and popcorn?

Why does it take empty store shelves for people to finally start to realize that this has all been for nothing?

Every single small business owner I know personally is struggling. Individuals that hesitated to get vaccinated were called "Selfish" and "Privileged".

Was I 'privileged' to watch my closest friends 'unselfishly' gather together over the last two years while I was 'selfishly' excluded?

Was I 'privileged' to be reamed out by clients and customers when I forgot to mention that I hadn't gotten jabbed? (Side note- that was in no way any of their right to demand my medical information). I DID inform my regular clients because I love and respect them- NOT because I was in any way obliged to. If you are too afraid to get your hair cut, then that would be up to you to ask- and up to the stylist whether or not they wish to tell you. And if you want to know whether someone is vaxxed? Just take a look at their social media. If they are- you WILL know.

I saw a "friend" post recently (when schools here in Ontario were locked down again) that the schools should be open if people could get "haircuts" and "manicures". Again, this person was upset only because they were being inconvenienced (after being completely FOR such businesses being unable to survive for the past two years). This person could not see that the individuals providing the services, that she so flippantly dismissed, had been locked down for the longest amount of time in North America up until this point.

Support the truckers. Not because it NOW affects you, but because they are the only profession so far to band together and take a stand for freedom.

And support the small businesses. The amount of people that have messaged me and told me that they no longer support me because I stand against  mandates, is troubling.

I suppose they would rather support a big box store that has been 'allowed' to stay open, rather than a single mom trying to provide for her kids WHILE also trying to protect their future freedoms.

I hope, when this is all over, that relationships of all kinds can be mended.

Personally, I truly have no idea how to heal to the relationships in my own life that seemed so easy to cast away, because the government mandated it so.

Support the truckers. because we desperately need them.

Support the Small Business Owners, because goodness knows, we desperately need them too.

Thrifting~ Back at It

 

2022 has become a year of rediscovering myself.

A year of renewal.

A year of rebranding, if you will.

Last month I gave up drinking alcohol. This has been both the hardest, as well as the easiest thing in my life to do. It has forced me to sit and think . To really evaluate what I find joy in, So that I no longer feel the need to escape my life.

And I remember my love of thrifting.

I remember the reason I started this blog ten years ago. I wanted to show that you can dress well, on a budget. As a single mom, this cost is important- but so is the positive impacts on out earth.

Here is an outfit that I thrifted from head to toe:

And another:

Thanks for reading, friends!

I will be posting more as a rediscover my own style and clothing pieces that I am drawn to.

Alcohol Is As Carcinogenic As Smoking. Why Aren't We Told?

 

Did you know that Alcohol use is one of the TOP THREE causes of preventable cancers? 

Neither did I.

Why did it take being 43 and sober for over five weeks to learn this? Simple answer- our government is keeping that vital information from it's citizens.

I believe this falls under the term '[Un]Informed Consent'. If we are being marketed to/ sold a product that is PROVEN to be carcinogenic, should this product NOT include warning labels stating this? We know that tobacco and asbestos cause cancer- well guess what?? Alcohol is right up there with them (Top 3) as a 'LEVEL ONE Carcinogen'.

CBC News: The National recently posted on "Alcohol Can Cause Cancer, So Why Don't Most Canadians Know That?"

Why do we have warning labels on cigarettes, food, indoor parking and FISHING RODS- but not on a leading cause of Cancer?

We are told that alcohol is "good for you in moderation". This brochure posted by the Canada's Centre on Substance Abuse and Addictions literally tells us that "Low risk drinking supports a healthy lifestyle".

But what is 'low risk drinking"?? Apparently, even one drink increases your risk of Cancer, and every drink after that increases it more. In 2020 alone, there were 7000 NEW CASES of Cancer in Canada that were linked to alcohol.

If I had known that drinking alcohol caused cancer, would I have quit sooner? Drank much less? Never abused it myself? That's impossible to know, I suppose.

What I DO KNOW, is that I sure as hell would never have encouraged my mom friends to "have another" or to "be sure to pour yourself an extra large glass of wine" at the end of a long day with the kids.

When you have to ask WHY alcohol bottles have no warning labels- it's clear that it comes down to money. Alcohol brings in $1.5 Trillion per year and these groups lobby our government to keep their dirty little secret.

In 2017 Warning Labels were added to Alcohol in the Yukon. It was a pilot project and has been cited for research around the world. Alcohol sales dropped 7% in the short time that the labels were used and people were furious to learn that their drink of choice was slowly killing them.

The fact is that alcohol is addictive. The more you drink, the more your tolerance goes up. Right now, you likely drink more than you did 10 or 20 years ago. Few people drink less than they did. Would you drink at all if you knew that every glass increases your chance or Breast Cancer, or Colorectal Cancer?

Beer Canada/ Spirits Canada/ Wine Growers Canada ALL have the same response when asked about the risk of Cancer- the put the blame solely on the consumer and simply recommend to "drink responsibly".

Responsibly. 

How can we decide what's responsible when we haven't been informed of the true risk?

I drank for 28 years. I have been inside an LCBO/ liquor store HUNDREDS, if not thousands of times. HOW was this fact hidden? No signs. Leaflets. Labels. No buttons on the employee's shirts warning that drinking is JUST as harmful to your body as smoking.

Obviously, I am not telling anyone to give up alcohol or to get sober. This has worked for me- and the more I learn- the more I know I'll never taste it again.

I am just wanting to help INFORM people of the risks. You are, of course, free to make your own decision from there.

The Canadian government has failed it's citizens. It has a moral obligation to protect US (the people) NOT the companies making trillions on producing and selling poison.

They simply need to do better. Again, 7000 Cancer cases in 2020 were linked to alcohol use.

How many in 2021?

And how many will there be in this coming year?

Thank you for reading, please share with others.