'Wine Culture' and How I Fully Bought Into It

Guys, I LOVE wine.

Like, really, REALLY love wine.

If you asked my kids what my favourite thing in life was, they would probably say wine. And I don't know if I'm ok with that anymore.

We're told that it's totally acceptable though, aren't we? There are memes all over Pinterest, Facebook, and Instagram just to name a few.

We're told that "It's Monday...you deserve a glass of wine!"

"It's Friday....celebrate with a glass of wine!"

"It's the weekend/ vacation...wine is acceptable at ALL meals."

And, goodness knows, I dive right in. Happy that my love of wine has become so completely socially acceptable. I never get hungover and wine made me feel SO good about life. But then something changed for me.

It changed recently when I began to slightly panic if I knew there wasn't wine in the house. How could I deal with five kids and a husband without my wine? But, I told myself it was the ONE thing that I got for ME. It was simply to calm me down to cope more easily with:

* Fighting kids.

* Cling-y kids.

* Sick kids.

* Not-going-to-bed-kids.

* Snow days.

* Rainy days.

* Fights with Hubby.

You get the picture...

I told myself that it made me a better Mom, a better wife. It made me more 'playful' in the bedroom, and super funny and witty and the best version of me. But of course it didn't.

Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. And wine was my escape.

I recently heard a quote by Brene Brown,

and it hit me right in the gut.

That's exactly what I was doing. Things were tough with the hubby? Drink wine, it makes it all better. Kids were especially exhausting? Drink wine, because it makes it all better. But truly, I was wanting to be numb. Not better. 

Why did I feel sad? Why was I feeling lonely? Because I was numb. Because I was too numb to feel the good feelings while trying to silence the bad. And that was a seriously eye opening moment for me.

Do I want my kids to grow up thinking that adults need to drink EVERY day to cope? I absolutely do not, but I was showing them a different picture. I want to find joy in my children, to savour the short time that I have with them, not simply get through until tomorrow.

My oldest son will be twelve in November. I am realizing that I don't have a whole lot of years left with him at home. I want to be completely present for the years that I do have him with me. 

To be clear... I am not blaming wine. I will continue to drink it and enjoy it once in a while when we're out. But I will not be bringing it home with me. I believe life is fluid and we are always changing and this may change as well. But for now, my unhealthy crutch must stay out.

Because I'm just too strong to be numb.

Blessings.