Why I Do Not Use the Label 'Alcoholic'

 

I absolutely HATE the thought of being labelled an Alcoholic.

This word makes me feel weak and powerless.

It makes me feel like I am depriving myself of something that the majority of the world can consume with no consequence, so there must be something lacking in myself that I cannot do the same.

The truth is, I am now a non-drinker. I made the choice to no longer partake in an addictive substance that increased my anxiety/ depression and had a powerful grip over my life.

I made this decision before reading a couple of books that have completely solidified my choice. Those books were 'The Easy Way To Control Alcohol' by Allen Carr and 'Quit Like A Woman' by Holly Whitaker. I HIGHLY recommend both of these books if you are at all curious about your own relationship with alcohol.

One of the things that really struck me about both of these books is their deconstruction of the label "Alcoholic". I could never quite put my finger on why the term always seemed the wrong fit for me as I struggled with my own alcohol-abuse. I have been told by several people, since I became sober, that I should join AA. As though that is the only way to succeed with this decision. I am in no way trying to say that this program doesn't work- I know many people that it worked (and does work) amazingly well for. It just didn't align with me. 

I believe that is because when you introduce yourself, you do so as "Hi, I'm Melissa (or, insert name), and I'm an Alcoholic". I could never bring myself to do so. Why is this? I could joke and call myself  'a functioning alcoholic' for years. I could introduce myself at a meeting and say that I definitely abused alcohol with no problem.

I remember learning in health class that Alcoholics were born. This is also, from what I understand, what AA teaches. That certain people are genetically predisposed to being unable to control their alcohol use. This made me feel extremely safe in regards to my own alcohol consumption from the very beginning. My parents never drank. There was no alcohol ever in my home growing up. So, there could be NO WAY that I could ever have a problem with it, right? Obviously, wrong. As Allen Carr states in his book, if this is true- could we not come up with a test for us to take as children to know which of us should avoid it? Of course, this is not possible, which shows that this is unlikely a genetic issue.

I also believe that the term 'Alcoholic' gave me permission to continue to abuse alcohol. When I heard the stories of the people that identified with this label during an AA meeting recount their stories, I felt vindicated. I didn't drink until 4 or 5 in the morning, sleep for a couple of hours and go to work still drunk. I didn't crash my car. I didn't have my kids taken away. I was fine.

But I wasn't fine. And I can't say that those things would not have happened if I had continued on with my relationship with alcohol.

For me, and maybe this is because I have now been engaged three times and divorced twice, it helps me to look at alcohol as a toxic relationship that took me years to finally be free of. We would break up, then make up, over and over and over again. I knew that this relationship was bad for me and destructive for my life and my family, but it just made me feel SO GOOD! I now know this is a lie, in the same way that I can look back on my past relationships and see the ways in which they were harmful for me.

Well, I am happy to say that I have broken up with alcohol. But I don't know if I was an alcoholic any more than I can say I was addicted to my husband(s) or fiance. 

Holly Whitaker says in her book, 

"We are conditioned to ask ONE question, whether  we MIGHT be an 'Alcoholic',...and ONLY if we qualify, are we suppose to do anything about it."

and

"Alcohol is addictive to everyone. Yet we have created a separate disease called 'Alcoholism' and forced this on the minority of the population who are willing to admit they can't control their drinking."

These and many other reasons are why I do not refer to myself as an Alcoholic. You may, but I do not.

I am Melissa, and today I celebrate three weeks of not drinking. I am a Mama of three amazing boys. I am also a Hairstylist, Aesthetician, Entrepreneur and Friend- among many other things. 

But I am not able to be encompassed in one word. One label. One disease.

Thanks for following with me on my journey.

Blessings.