Confessions of a Single Mom- Staying Put

I have been separated now for 3 months.

I am frequently asked why I continue to attend the same church as my ex. This is not a easy answer but I will try to simplify it here.

In short, I attend for my kids.

My kids have experienced more loss in their young lives than they should. After my first husband divorced for the second time, my kids never saw nor spoke to their step brothers again. I watched them try to understand, grieve and deal with their emotions through that and it was so difficult. My oldest son remembers me and his father married and together. My oldest 2 sons remember me trying to make it work with my youngest son's father. All 3 remember being a family of seven until just 3 months ago.

I want them to form healthy attachments in their lives. I want them to believe when someone tells them that they love them- they really do.

I see their faces light up on Sunday mornings when they see their (ex) step-siblings and how they throw their arms around the man they still consider to be their step-dad. Though it is heart-wrenching to me- this is one of the biggest reasons why we still attend.

When we left "my" church, we left on good terms, but it's not as simple as just "going back". We visit and are greeted with open arms and "Welcome backs", but we said goodbye and put down roots in a new community. When we decided as a family to attend this church it ceased to be "HIS" church and became "OUR" church.

If you are not a believer you won't understand what I am about to say, but I have felt God speak to me clearly and through other members of this church. I am excited about things they are doing in the community for others and how they reach out lovingly to the world around us.

When my ex split with his 2 previous wives, they left this church. But that was their decision to make. I am quite sure that people are wondering "Why doesn't she just leave already?", and I understand that, because it would make life easier.

But I do not want to teach my children that we should take the easier road. I want to teach them that it is okay to be uncomfortable. It is ok to hurt. I want them to see that they can find strength in healing and as long as I see their faces continue to light up on Sunday mornings, we'll stay right where we are.

Blessings.